Amusing Gay Quotes

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." ~ Robin Tyler

In response to a reader who complained to "Dear Abby" that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood, she replied: 'You could move.'
~ Abigail Van Buren

The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates a draft we can all declare homosexuality instead of running off to Canada. ~ Lorne Bloch

You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight. ~ Barry Goldwater

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"~ Jon Stewart

Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons. ~ Letter to the Editor, The Advocate

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~ Ernest Gaines

Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't. ~ Author Unknown

When Millionaire Horace Appley found out his son was gay, he asked him, "How can you be this educated, talented, good looking, rich, healthy, speak several languages, and be gay?" Son's reply: "LUCKY I GUESS."

If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic." ~ Shelly Roberts

My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it. ~ Amanda Bearse

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. ~ Lynn Lavner

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I'm giving them my share. ~ Rita Mae Brown

The only queer people are those who don't love anybody. ~ Rita Mae Brown

It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain. ~ Francis Maude

My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. ~ W.Somerset Maugham